The last week has brought sickness and lots of time not resting as littles and adults navigate through the most recent 2024 illness—whatever it may be. I have also been personally dealing with some neck issues that have been causing me some extreme pain. Of course, the first day I can get a chiropractor appointment, I came down with a fever, and it snowed, and the appointment had to be cancelled.
Frustration over the last few months in regard to health has been an understatement. I have been tired, more than I have ever been in my entire life. Maybe not all at once, but a drawn-out tired. After awhile, it wears you down.
But, there is one thing I have learned, and continue to learn, during this restlessness. And that one thing is this—when “life” won’t let you sleep, God is drawing you in to talk to Him, to pray, and the seek His face. In fact, you may find it interesting to learn that when things aren’t going your way, God is in control of that too.
For the Christian, we believe that there are a few fundamental laws to life. The first is that God gives you exactly what you want—heaven or hell. He put together an instruction manual and you get to choose—that’s actually how much He loves you. The is a holy way to live and an unholy way to live.
The second is that before anything can touch you or your life, it must go through God. There is evil rampant in the world, and bad things happen often because of bad choices that people make. That’s the blessing and the curse of the gift of free will. People living in the world will suffer the consequences of worldly decisions. Sometimes this touches others, like when people have children that they cannot take care of. This is just a law of nature and the spiritual realms. This is why we need the instruction manual. The laws of nature and life keep working the way they were created to work. But there is a better way.
Sometimes we do all kinds of things right and still get the short end of the stick. Sometimes we live an ok life according to us, and we strongly believe that God can do anything, and yet we still find ourselves with a chronic sickness that won’t go away, or a traumatic experience, losing our home or a loved one, or just something bad happening. We ask God “why”, and sometimes we question His goodness when it doesn’t make sense.
I say “an ok life according to us” because we all eventually reach point where we mentally know and tell ourselves we need more of Jesus, but we don’t spiritually believe it. Read that again…
We get comfortable. Comfort isn’t a great place to be all the time.
I was talking to God during this recent bout of sickness when I felt His presence so strongly come over me with a word I know was for me, but for the entire body of Christ. General sickness is just another example of the fallen world. There were bacteria and more in the Bible, this is why Luke was a physician. Sickness happened, and so I’m not talking about the basic sickness. We know these things happen and go away. God created our bodies to navigate them well.
But what I was talking to God about was more extreme situations. I sat in front of the fire at 2 a.m. one morning, in complete survival mode, feeling pretty cruddy and tired. I was looking at my mess of a house and just wanted it to be normal again. I was feeling the pain in my neck and I just wanted to feel normal again. Did I mention how tired I was?
It reminded me of the physical manifestation of 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 where Paul says,
9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Did you know that in order for our spirit to be most attentive to God, our body must be weak?
And I said to God, “Lord, I see plenty of others healed but not me. I see plenty of miracles happen, but not me. I read the Bible and I believe what I read and I believe it can happen, but is there some kind of special sauce I’m missing?”
I remembered having a conversation with God a few weeks before that along the same lines. But my statement was different, I said, “I do all these things to bring others to You but why not my healing?” And He sternly responded, “they will say Lord Lord but I’ll say, I never knew them…”
Talk about an ouch, and also, I was kind of offended. But I quickly realized this conversation was ongoing. I knew the Lord wasn’t calling me a pharisee, but He also kind of was. He didn’t stop there, and He was about to speak again, just a few days later.
As I held a baby in my arms that had a 104 fever, I had a lot of questions. In fact, I was spiraling mentally because of the lack of sleep. A lot of “why” questions for more than just myself. My body was weak. My mind was weaker. But my spirit was alert. The one thing the Lord had done during my previous year of rest was teach me how to have a weak body but a connected and alert spirit. To talk to Him even when I felt like I couldn’t, physically and emotionally.
I stared into the fire that wasn’t flaming anymore—it was simply pieces of wood that were bright orange and smoldering. They were so bright, yet there wasn’t a single flame on them. They were just bright orange glowing objects.
I could barely keep my eyes open, my head was hanging low with squinted eyes, and suddenly I heard Him say to my spirit, “who are you to question Me? Could it be that I care more about your holiness than your healing?”
As if I had just received a jolt of lightening in my bloodstream, my eyes opened wide and I looked into the fire more deeply. I could feel the heat on my face. I was wide awake and yet still exhausted all at once. I knew the Lord had appointed this exact time to speak to me, and so I listened.
Not only did I listen, I wrote as He spoke to my heart. And that’s what you’ll read now…
We think we should be healed because God says He wants us to be healed. He clearly lays this out in scripture that He sent His Son so that we could walk in miraculous healing. But sometimes we stop there. In fact, sometimes we think that’s the only reason, but the only reason He sent His son is so that we could have eternal life.
Or sometimes we believe that our life situation should just be happiness and wellness. Doesn’t God want families to be whole and relationships to be well? Doesn’t He want us to have financial stability? But we forget that God wants us to be holy more than He wants us to be physically healed, or our life situations full of happiness. In fact, we forget that in order for us to have any of those things in their purest form, their foundations must be Christ.
If your ailment or situation pushes you closer to seeking God and His refining fire, it’s doing its job. But if you are simply feeling entitled to healing or a change in your situation just because you’re a Christian, you’ve missed the point of being a follower of Jesus altogether.
Just this realization alone broke me. I began repenting and a heaviness of sorrow washed over me. Not condemnation, but a revelation. But still, He had more to say to me. He said, “what did I tell Job? Go and look.”
Job is one of the hardest books in the Bible to read, but it’s one of the books we need to talk about the most in this Christian lifestyle.
Job loved God more than anyone. He was highly favored. But something interesting happened…
JOB 1:6-12 NKJV
6 Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came among them. 7 And the Lord said to Satan, “From where do you come?” So Satan answered the Lord and said, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking back and forth on it.” 8 Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered My servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and shuns evil?” 9 So Satan answered the Lord and said, “Does Job fear God for nothing? 10 Have You not made a hedge around him, around his household, and around all that he has on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. 11 But now, stretch out Your hand and touch all that he has, and he will surely curse You to Your face!” 12 And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, all that he has is in your power; only do not lay a hand on his person.” So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord.
First, let’s note that God did not take away all of Job’s possessions, he simply gave Satan power over them. Also, hello? God even suggested Job! Second, let’s note that Job was a man who feared the Lord, something most Christians don’t even do now days. But I digress.
Finally, God had a plan. Churches often like to concentrate on Satan in this story, but Satan actually fell into God’s plan of the sanctification of Job. Satan just didn’t have all the information of the plan. The joke was on him—Satan thought he could get to Job and turn him against God, but really, God used the process to make Job more holy.
And so this is exactly what happened—Satan took away everything Job had. His wife, children, livestock and wealth. His health. Everything. And Job started questioning…
He kept asking his friends why he had come into such a horrible life after being favored so long—losing everything he had. Was Job sinning? Had he made God mad? Had God lost it? These were things he began to question.
Job questioned God, but then (thirty-some chapters later), God questions Job.
JOB 38:1-7
Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind, and said:
2 “Who is this who darkens counsel
By words without knowledge?
3 Now prepare yourself like a man;
I will question you, and you shall answer Me.
4 “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?
Tell Me, if you have understanding.
5 Who determined its measurements?
Surely you know!
Or who stretched the line upon it?
6 To what were its foundations fastened?
Or who laid its cornerstone,
7 When the morning stars sang together,
And all the sons of God shouted for joy?
Without giving Job time to respond (two chapters into this), God continues…
JOB 40:1-2
Moreover the Lord answered Job, and said:
2 “Shall the one who contends with the Almighty correct Him? He who rebukes God, let him answer it.”
Job responds by saying “Behold, I am vile; What shall I answer You?” (Job 40:4)
The Lord continues to speak…
JOB 40:7-8
7 “Now prepare yourself like a man;
I will question you, and you shall answer Me:
8 “Would you indeed annul My judgment?
Would you condemn Me that you may be justified?
As I read in the darkness of the early morning hours, lit only by the smoldering pieces of wood in the wood stove that I sat directly in front of, I felt my entire body tense up in repentance. Who am I that I should condemn God that my own thoughts and beliefs may be justified? That my own way of thinking how things should be would be justified.
Job finally answers…
JOB 42:1-6
Then Job answered the Lord and said:
2 “I know that You can do everything,
And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.
3 You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’ Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
4 Listen, please, and let me speak;
You said, ‘I will question you, and you shall answer Me.’
5 “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear,
But now my eye sees You.
6 Therefore I abhor myself,
And repent in dust and ashes.”
In this moment, Job didn’t just hear God, he knew God. Did you know that we can go through the motions and believe God and all He is and does, and yet not fully know Him? If Job was this way, that means so must we also be this way.
Job was an upright man that followed the Lord’s law and decrees. He feared the Lord. But there was one thing he didn’t know…and God knew exactly what He was doing when He challenged Job.
Job did not fully understand the character of God and what He wants for our lives.
When we start cross referencing scripture, we understand how God works, and what His character is, so much more. This is one of the reasons God has placed an emphasis on knowing the word for me in 2024. God speaks to us and helps us test all things through scripture.
And so what does God want for our lives?
1 PETER 1:13-21 says this,
13 Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; 14 as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; 15 but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, 16 because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.”
17 And if you call on the Father, who without partiality judges according to each one’s work, conduct yourselves throughout the time of your stay herein fear; 18 knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible things, likesilver or gold, from your aimless conduct received by tradition from your fathers, 19 but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot. 20 He indeed was foreordained before the foundation of the world, but was manifest in these last times for you 21 who through Him believe in God, who raised Him from the dead and gave Him glory, so that your faith and hope are in God.
Your faith and hope are not in healing. Your faith and hope are not in deliverance. Your faith and hope are in God.
A few weeks before this, while once again asking God questions, I heard these words, “the key to hope is eternity”. I didn’t understand what God was saying, so I wrote it down.
He then took me to Proverbs.
Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life
I didn’t add that emphasis. That emphasis was already in the Bible. It is not the hope that is a tree of life. It is the point of when, and it is. The when is the tree of life. And Jesus is that tree of life. Hope isn’t in the miracles, Hope is in the miracle Giver.
God gives us the desires of our hearts, but the desire of our heart should be to know Him more.
David could have desired anything, but He says that more than anything, His desire was to dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
PSALM 27:4 NKJV
One thing I have desired of the Lord,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord,
And to inquire in His temple.
Let’s go back to being holy…
Leviticus 20:7-8 says, “7 Consecrate yourselves therefore, and be holy, for I am the Lord your God. 8 And you shall keep My statutes, and perform them: I am the Lord who sanctifies you.”
Job’s fault was listening to people who did not know God’s character well. People who did not fear God. People who did not understand His will for sanctification in our lives.
Job’s fault was believing he was entitled to “the good life” because he had originally found favor in God. But no one is entitled to anything God has or gives. It is in the moment where we surrender and know Who God is, even in the midst of pain or suffering, when God shows up. That’s the moment when He begins His work.
God’s will for us is eternal life. God’s will for us is sanctification through Jesus and our daily walk with Him. God will use our lives and situations to get our attention and to make us more holy. To live a deeper life of sanctification. To spend more time with Him. To seek His face.
In fact, I would venture to say that just as soon as you feel comfortable in your walk with God, there will be a plot twist every single time. Why? Because comfort in this world isn’t promised. Because God cares more about turning you into His image than making you comfortable. And that means pressing you harder and harder so that you can come out of the fire more and more refined. Thankfully He does give us a break now and then.
Everything we go through in life is a teaching and sanctifying moment. That moment should draw us closer to God. If it doesn’t, just like Job, let this remind us that we simply want to be justified for our beliefs. God cannot work with that, because we’ve created an idol of ourselves in our mind and lives.
And because of this, we condemn God even when He is the only one Who is completely sovereign. Completely all knowing. And the only one Who has foresight. He laid the foundations of the earth, but we question Him? God will strike down every idol, let’s not forget.
Our carnal minds believe we know better than God. Just accept that fact right now….I have. We condemn God to justify our beliefs. Yet we miss this major point in our walk with Him—God will use whatever methods He sees fit to make us more holy and to send us running to Him more deeply. If we choose to run the other way, that’s on us. If we choose to believe our ways are better than His, that’s on us. He will give us over to our depraved mind eventually.
But, if we choose to press into Him and allow Him to work in us and strike down the idols of our lives, a deeper level of sanctification begins.
So when we’re walking through an issue, let this be our question instead: “is there something I need to see more clearly that God is trying to say or do to bring me closer to being more like Him?” More often than not, it’s simply the process. The process could take days, weeks, or years. The timeline isn’t important to God in the same way it is to you.
Let’s not ask, “If you’re good, why am I sick? If you’re God, why isn’t my child healed? If you are all powerful, why did my loved one die? If you are so mighty, why are my finances in shambles? If you love me, why is my life this way, why did my spouse leave, why did my boss fire me, why did the person slander me?”
Human love is not equal to God’s love. We do not love the way that God loves. And God often does not love the way that we love. His love is pure, our love is conditional. His love is proactive, our love is just a feeling.
God’s love for us is this—He sent His Son, Jesus, so that we could have eternal life (John 3:16)
That’s it. That’s good enough.
Everything else is bonus. Healing is bonus. The gifts of the Spirit are bonus. Living a good life is bonus. If your hope isn’t in God, then the rest of it doesn’t matter. If your hope isn’t “even in this situation, God is good”, then we’ve missed the point entirely.
With that said, the Bible says that those who follow Him will be known by their fruit, and by the works that follow them. But those works only happen when we have a deeper knowing of His presence and character.
Jesus’s disciples knew Him, personally. They ate dinner with Him. They walked with Him. Do we sit with him more than the prayer at the dinner table? More than the prayer before bed? More than the prayer sending our kids off to school or work?
Thank God for my salvation! And thank God for the process of sanctification within that salvation. How can we work out our salvation if we are not constantly being made holy as He is holy? But especially, if we don’t know Him?
As scripture says….
PHILIPPIANS 2:12-13
“…work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; 13 for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.”
Often times I think we believe hope is simply in the healing or the change of the situation. But true hope is hope in God, not in the works of God.
Cry out to God. Set aside your beliefs of entitlement. God DOES want a good life for you. God DOES want you to be healed. But more than any of that, God wants you to be sanctified and holy. And most of the time, those refinements happen during our greatest trials.
Be Holy, for He is Holy…
I hope this revelation through His word will equip you to battle differently in the Spirit. And what does that look like? That looks like praising Him even when you aren’t healed or when your situation isn’t changed. It looks like honoring Him even when it hasn’t changed. It looks like making your petitions known every single day. It looks like spending hours in worship and prayer, not just minutes each day.
God wants you to go next level, because He is a jealous God. He doesn’t just want you a little bit.
Romans 5:1-4 says this, “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 3 And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; 4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”
Read it again. First, tribulation produces perseverance. Are you persevering in your situation yet? After perseverance, it produces character. Character is something that is engraved into you. It’s just who you are. That doesn’t happen overnight. And then, and only then, does character produce hope.
It is out of our character, the changing of who we were into who God wants us to be, that we have pure hope. It is out of the pure hope that comes the glory of God’s miracles, signs, and wonders.
But first, we must be changed more and more into His image. Our character must become like His more and more. Because we cannot fully understand or experience hope otherwise.
Romans 5:8-11 says,
8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. 10 For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. 11 And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation.
I’m praying for you, friends. And I hope this was as much of a revelation to you as it was to me.
God is calling to us. He’ wants our time and our heart, not our routine and our beliefs. In fact, He doesn’t want our beliefs at all…
