I started getting back into the word several weeks ago. I had been slacking, big time. I have had a lot on my mind in the past 2 months, especially this past month.
When I asked where I should begin, I was lead to the book of Job. When I say “lead”, I mean, I really don’t know how that works. It’s like a soft whisper to the heart, and you just “know”.
Everyone knows the story of Job, I thought to myself. Job complains for about 30 chapters and then God speaks and Job lives happily ever after.
But I, reluctantly, began to read
This is already boring, can we please stop now?
At this point it had taken me a month to get this far. I was procrastinating, but I knew that God lead me to Job for a reason, and I would just have to stick it out to the very end to find out.
And if I didn’t find out, I’d read it all over again.
“And then, the Lord spoke…”
Finally, we’ve gotten to the point where Job stops his complaining and God finally speaks to him….in riddles, albeit.
But then, something amazing happened. I’m almost to the very end of the book of Job and I read this section of verses. This section of verses that immediately sends me into an emotional state of guilt, pain, and heartache. It was one of those moments where, should my husband have been home at the time and my child have been awake, they would have thought I was a big giant mess of a baby.
But as the tears streamed down my face, guilt faded and peace entered into my heart.
I’ve been having a lot of emotional and one on one talks with God lately. Sometimes I think I could solve all the mysteries of the world when I talk to Him. But, quite honestly, they are one sided.
He sits and listens while I complain to Him, or about Him — and when I’m done complaining, I move onto the next household chore or email response and forget to listen to His response to the case I’ve presented to Him.
But these verses, it was like a universal salve. The answer to a million questions. And while I don’t expect you to understand what I’m saying, I know that another mama might be going through the same things I’m going through right now — asking the same questions and needing the same comfort from our Savior. Someone who might be wondering what the reasoning is behind direction or discipline from the Lord.
What did the verses say, you ask? They are not what you might expect. There’s really no amazing revelation within these verses, unless, at the proper moment, God opens your heart and mind to read it when you need it the most.
“She [the ostrich] lays her eggs on the ground and lets them warm in the sand, unmindful that a foot may crush them, that some wild animal may trample them. She treats her young harshly, as if they were not hers; she cares not that her labor was in vain, for God did not endow her with wisdom or give her a share of good sense.Yet when she spreads her feathers to run, she laughs at horse and rider.” [Job 39:14-18]
I know, it doesn’t make any sense, but it makes sense to me.
In that moment, when I read these verses, I knew.
I knew that I didn’t want to be this type of woman. I don’t want to be this type of mom.
I knew that the easy way out (laying her eggs in the warm sand so that she didn’t have to sit on them) isn’t always the best way. I knew that in the end, the easy way was the one with the most risks — risks that weren’t necessary. I knew that if I didn’t properly train my child, then I’m leaving him wide open to being trampled on by the world.
I knew that I didn’t want to be a harsh mom. And not that I am a harsh mom, or that I am a harsh mom because I want to be — but because I don’t deal with being overwhelmed very kindly.
I’m not compassionate enough.
I’m not kind enough.
I’m not humble enough.
I’m not loving enough.
I don’t want to be the mom who makes her children feel like she doesn’t have enough time for them simply because she has so many other things to do.
I’m not that mom….
I’m not that mom…
I knew that I didn’t want to be the wife who cleans the house because her husband says she has to (laboring in vain). I knew that I didn’t want to take care of my household simply because I’m told to. I want to do it because I get to, because I take joy in it.
I don’t want to labor in vain. I don’t want my work as a wife and mom to be done out of bitterness, anger, or with an unappreciative attitude. I don’t want my calling as a wife and mom to be watered down, simply because I’m too worried with other things that don’t really matter.
I don’t want to be the woman of God who thinks her way is best — because the sad fact is that just because I have feathers, it doesn’t mean I can fly. Sure, they serve a purpose — I have a purpose. But it’s not always what I think it is. While I’m created in His image, I’m not the same, and other people aren’t like me either — whether I wish they were, or are happy they aren’t.
In just five verses, I learned more and repented more than I have in a long time. A verse about an ostrich changed my entire outlook on motherhood and about being a wife…a woman of God.
I had to be patient and obedient to read through the entire book of Job — and yet, my Bible Study about Job had nothing to do with Job at all.
I don’t know why God couldn’t just say “go to the 39th chapter”. I don’t understand His ways.
But I do understand, now more than ever, that His ways are so much better than mine. I know that my Creator has a plan for me, even if what I’m seeing is what I think I’m getting — it can all change in an instance….for the better…whether we believe it or not.
I was beginning to wonder why God even chose to record the story of Job — and now I know. Not just for the five verses that struck a chord with my heart, but because of all the wisdom and knowledge that God imparts to us through the story and scriptures of Job.
Maybe it’s time to start listening to that little whisper to your heart. Maybe, just maybe….
Yesterday evening, after finishing the book of Job, I asked God where I should start reading next. I kept thinking of the name Jedidiah. In fact, auto correct tells me that Jedidiah isn’t even a name.
I knew Jedidiah was in the Bible, but where? Who is he? When did he live? It took me a few minutes, but after realizing that Jedidiah was really the name that God called King Solomon, I was intrigued. Another strange fact: Jedidiah is only mentioned once in the Bible. Hmm…
I’m starting with the book of 2 Samuel, the story of King David (Solomon’s father) and will continue into Solomon’s story from there.
However, I have a feeling that this has nothing to do with Solomon….or Jedidiah….